The book isn't in print yet, but you can download it online for free here. It basically tells the tale of someone who grew up learning (like most of us) what it meant to be a boy or a girl, but somewhere along the way, discovered that it wasn't such a simple thought.
I know this post may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I wish it was. This is something I feel so strongly about and I wish other people felt the same way. It's very important to me that everyone is treated equally. I don't have kids yet, but it's something I hope to instill in them. This is definitely something that I'm still learning things about so I don't pretend to know everything or have all the answers. I love finding things like this to help me learn a little more and understand a little more.
If you take anything away from this, I hope it's that: understanding. Because that's what I think it's really all about. Understanding that everyone is different and different doesn't mean bad. Just because you think a certain way, doesn't mean it's the only way. And that applies to me and my views as well. Just because I think a certain way, doesn't mean it's my way or the highway. Everyone is entitled to think and feel a certain way. As long as there is mutual respect, everyone wins.
So.. take a deep breath.. this is what I think:
Like everyone else I know, I grew up thinking boys wore blue and played with GI Joe's, while girls wore pink and played with Barbies. If you didn't fall into one of those categories, you were a wuss or a tomboy. Well, my favourite colour was blue and I hid my Barbies in my closet and only played with them when no one was around. When I wasn't climbing trees with my brothers, I was trading clothes with my younger one and drawing pictures on his back with lipstick. Looking back, it may have seemed so insignificant at the time, but I wholeheartedly appreciate my parents letting us do those things, even though I don't think it was their intention to have it be a life lesson for me. What I thought at the time was, "I'm being silly and I'm having fun with my brother". What I now realize it taught me was, "It didn't matter whose clothes I was wearing or which one of us was wearing lipstick; we were having fun being whoever we wanted to be and that's ok".
That's ok. I think that's another big idea to wrap your head around. It's ok for others to be who they are. I think it's just as simple as that. Even if you don't understand, you don't have to. It's not your life. Unless you are glued to that person 24/7, their actions should not have that much, if any, effect on your life. Who cares if a guy wants to wear eyeliner. Who cares if a girl wants to marry another girl? Who cares if Mark feels more comfortable being called Mary? Who cares.
How about what is their personality like? What makes them laugh? What kind of movies do they like? What's their favourite type of music? Do they care about other people? Would they help an old woman across the street? Those are the kinds of questions I care about. Those are the things that matter. Kindness, love, respect, acceptance, happiness.
I used to think there were two genders: male and female. I used to think there were two sexualities: gay and straight. Now I've learned that there's much more to it than that. The Gender Book explains that gender is non-binary, meaning it's not simply this or that. Nor is it a spectrum that goes from stereotypical manly man to stereotypical girly girl. It's more like a whole bunch of arrows going in every which way. This is how I think of sexuality as well. It's not just boy-likes-girl or boy-likes-boy. It could be anything in between, outside, around the corner, or up the stairs.
I think there comes a time when everyone looks back on their life and thinks about how they've lived, what they've said, what they've done. You might have done it already. Did you ever say something you wish you could take back? Did you ever stand by in high school and watch someone else get picked on? Did you pick on someone? Ever think "I wish I hadn't done that"? Chances are you probably have. I know for sure I have. And I look back on those times with regret and a heavy heart. The silver lining is that I've learned from those mistakes. I've learned that we only have one life to live and I want to live it in a way that I can look back on and feel proud of. I don't want to wake up one day and realize that I wasted valuable time hating things or being scared of things. Or even worse: that I made someone else feel hated or scared.
This post is not at all about religion. Again, I understand and respect that other people have their beliefs. I only hope for the same understanding and respect. Not only for me and my beliefs, but for everyone out there struggling trying to find themselves. Struggling to make sense of what's going on in their head. Struggling to accept themselves even though they may not even know who that self is. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". I can't tell you how many times I heard that growing up. If only we could all practice what we preach.
We need to realize that we're each on this little journey, our own individual journey, and in the grand scheme of things, it really is so very tiny. We are a little blip in the universe. If we keep that in mind, our day-to-day living seems a little easier, a little less stressful. At least mine does.
There's something that people say that bothers me. "I'm uncomfortable" or "That makes me uncomfortable". Irrelevant. I'm uncomfortable when I get a sunburn, but I still go outside. I'm uncomfortable with my legs up in stirrups at the gynecologist, but I still go to my appointment. I'm uncomfortable standing in line, but I still go to the grocery store. I'm uncomfortable when my friend's grandma kisses me on the lips, but I still go to her family functions. We do things every day that make us uncomfortable. That's just part of life. Unless you're a hermit who lives on top of a mountain and never sees anyone, but even then, you probably have creepy animals looking through your bathroom window while you're showering. The point is suck it up and deal with it or be a mean and miserable person the rest of your life. Because that's what you're doing. You're being mean and miserable. Get over it.
Anyways, that's my rant. I didn't mean for it to turn into one but that's just what happens sometimes when I care about something. The moral of the story is everyone should just get along. And if you can't get along, move along. Or you will have to wear one of these t-shirts.
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